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The “B” word: balance. Can we really HAVE IT ALL and balance everything?!
It seems like this topic has come up a lot during casual conversations with my girlfriends recently (because so many of us are feeling the same way), so I figured that it deserves a blog post of its own!
As women, professionals, moms, we hear so much about how to “balance” our lives so that we can juggle everything that’s on our plates and still stay sane. Careers, children, marriages, health and fitness, household chores, friendships…the list goes on. But is it even possible to do it all?!
In my opinion, the answer is a big fat NO – and we shouldn’t be trying to do it all! We do a disservice to women when we suggest that it is possible to get everything checked off of our dream-world To-Do List while still getting adequate rest and avoiding a nervous breakdown.
I will preface all of this by saying that I am only sharing my own personal opinion – I am not an expert, and I only have my own experience and observations to draw from. If you disagree, that’s cool too!
I believe that at any given time in our life, we can only juggle so much. Think of it as picking 3 or 4 priorities. These priorities might change by the week, month, or year, but it’s just not possible to “have it all”…all at once.
For instance, if your kids, your job, and your physical health are your top priorities at the moment, then you will likely have to scale back your friendships, your dreams of a spotless and organized home, or your perfectly meal-planned made-from-scratch clean eating dinners every night. Either that, or walk around like a cranky zombie because you haven’t slept more than a few hours in years…
You get the idea? Something’s GOT TO GIVE. If the focus right now needs to be on your children, caring for an elderly parent, and taking care of your own physical health, then maybe it’s time to take a step back from your career.
The choices, the juggling, the priorities…they will look different for all of us, because we all have different circumstances to consider. But the point is, it’s not realistic to assume that we can sustain a long-term pursuit of EVERYTHING. Instead, we must give ourselves permission to just let go of some of the expectations that we put on ourselves and that society puts on women in general.
I have an undergraduate degree from Princeton, as well as a law degree. I was raised to believe that I could do anything that I put my mind to. There were no limits for me as a girl, so I spent the vast majority of my life playing competitive soccer, training for competitions, and working hard to educate myself and develop my career. But you know what? I reached a point when I wanted to have a family. After years of trying to get it all done (and believe me…I tried), I finally had to take a step back and make some tough decisions about my life RIGHT NOW. Not my life 5 years ago or my life 10 years in the future…but right now. At this moment in time, I just can’t fathom climbing the corporate ladder or grinding out 14-hour days in a private law practice. My health, my relationships, and my happiness would suffer.
Instead, I have chosen to step away from the career that I worked so hard to create for myself. But more importantly, I’ve had to redefine my OWN expectations about what it means to be successful. At this point in my life, I am fulfilled by raising my children, maintaining my happy marriage, nurturing my friendships, and trying to keep myself as healthy as possible.
The fact is, just because we live in a generation where we are (typically) empowered to “do it all,” that doesn’t mean that we HAVE to do it all…all at the same time.
I am far from perfect. My boys love a good McDonald’s Happy Meal when I just don’t have the energy for anything else, I stay up late watching garbage television because I just can’t tear myself away from The Bachelor or The Voice, and with 3 young boys, my house is full of dirt, dust bunnies, and plastic toys. But I’m doing the best that I can, I’m proud of who I am, and I can honestly say that I’m perfectly happy NOT BALANCING IT ALL.
I hope that you can give yourself permission to let something (or many things) go, too. Maybe you can’t afford to walk away from your job at the moment – or maybe you don’t want to (and that’s great too!), but I bet you can look at your mile-long mental To-Do List and tell yourself it’s okay.
Go to bed without crossing a few items off of your list. You’ll still be a good person/wife/friend/mom in the morning…even if they’re not done. Determine your BIG priorities for right now, focus on those, and let the rest go. Be confident in your choices, and understand that you don’t have to do everything at this time in your life. You’re still doing a good job!
[Tweet “”Balance” is a big word! But can we TRULY have it ALL?!”]
YOu know how i feel about this. Balance is not really balance. Balance is about adapting and adjusting life’s curveballs… and with grace. not perfect is more exciting any way! haha
Exactly, Lindsay! Perfect is boring anyway. 🙂
Thank you for saying this. After leaving my high paying corporate job at the beginning of the year, I’ve had so many moment of what the heck am I doing and what did I give up. BUT I keep telling myself that my health and helping others is more important than what the job ever gave back to me. Other than money of course! I’m hoping I can pick up some food photography work in the meantime while I get it all figured out.
Thanks for understanding, Megan! I know that you can totally relate to the juggling, the changes, and the stress of it all. You’re doing AWESOME, though!
Great post, Blair. I definitely benefit from these reminders – especially now that things have gotten doubly (wonderfully) complicated with the twins – that it’s ok to be reasonable and kind in your expectations of yourself. Thanks!!
Thanks, Emily! I can only imagine what an adjustment you’ve had to go through since the boys were born. One newborn is hard enough…
Those two boys are such an adorable blessing, though. Hope you’re doing well! xoxo
Wow Blair, this post really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on balance. I think women have a unique struggle when navigating family/career/children/etc. My 20 year old self thought I would be partner in an architectural firm by now with a fancy sports car but that is not what the 4 1/2 year married, 33 year old, former owner of 2 horses, mom of a 2 year old daughter real person I am today wants or needs. It’s amazing what an unexpected journey life can give you. I think it’s all wonderful and exciting and there’s always more to look forward to. I totally agree with your insights and funny enough, I live 25 mins away from your alma mater Princeton.
Thanks, Sara! I’m so glad that you could relate. I think it’s something that we deal with A LOT, but don’t often articulate. 🙁
Anyway, that’s funny that you live outside of Pton! It’s gorgeous horse country in that part of NJ. I grew up owning/riding horses too, and it’s a hobby that I’d love to get back into once my kids are grown! Talk about time-consuming, though!
Thank you so much for posting about this. It’s really encouraging to know that other moms struggle with this issue too. I’m a 23 year old stay at home mom of 2 kids, and sometimes I get this itch that I’m suppose to be out there in the workforce achieving great things with the rest of my peers. But like you said, this is were I belong right now, taking care of my young kids and husband.
Hey, Dakota! Thanks so much for your note! I’m really glad that it resonates with you! I think that SO many women and especially moms often feel this way, but have a hard time admitting it or articulating it! Take care of those little ones and just wait…once they’re a bit older you just might decide that it’s time to focus on something else as well! 🙂
True that! World flips upside down for a woman with a birth of each child. More and more and more. I watch it every time with 1st time pregnant woman:”You just wait, honey. Give birth and you will see how Blah you will feel towards anything besides your baby and family” haha. No, you can’t have it all. I agree. For me priority is eating healthy, working out and be present for my children. I have worked my butt of for my business degree and then left successful real estate career to be with my children. Stars do align. It is all good now. Honestly when my kids grow up I do not want to have any regrets about those 20 years I spent in a dusty office dealing with office assholes while my children were in daycare. It is just me. I sacrificed having many friendships and busy social life to be with my family. And I am OK. something gotta give, for sure. I recently hired a cleaning lady and I think that made my life finally almost perfect LOL.
Today we have too much access to information brainwashed constantly what we have to do. Do we? Not really. Once you figure that out, everything falls into place. There are many opportunities, you just don’t have to say YES to all of them.Have a great weekend. You are a great mom!!!
Thanks so much, Olena! It sounds like we’re totally on the same wavelength! I appreciate your sweet words! 🙂
This post doesn’t resonate with me. As women, we have so much that we have to do and just so much to get on with and sometimes we just have to be forgiving of ourselves and just know that somethings have to give. I can’t imagine myself not having a career or working.
At the start when I just had my daughter I was building my company and really beating myself up on not really putting everything into it. Fast forward to 5 years later and I am happy that I run my company part time. This gives me the opportunity to watch my daughter grow, to spend time with her. I still have to get better at not piling so much on my plate but I totally get it when you say something or things have to give and for now I am happy working part time until she goes off to school and I am happy to keep the house clean enough and happy with the plastic toys. Hehehe
Oops I meant to say the post does resonate with me… I am not a fan of these auto correct on phones. Hehehe
Hah! Thanks, Uzo! I’m so glad that you can relate. It’s a constant juggling act, and one that continues to change as our lives change (and our children grow). It will be interesting to see where we are 5 years from now!